By Rance Rizzutto
So, I feel I have to comment on my trolley ride today. I’ll keep it as vague as I can, but people who know who I’m talking about will know enough details to piece it together.
Most of our destinations have shuttle buses, but a couple have trolleys that come by to take passengers to destinations. This is probably the third time I’ve taken this trolley, and I only decided to take it because I had noticed that there has been a different driver the past few weeks.
When we first rode the trolley we were warned about the driver not allowing cell phones (that should be a dead give away for the prior cast). The driver I had seen lately seemed a lot more relaxed and fun.
Today I planned on taking the trolley to the mall to get a coffee, and then just take a nice walk back. You know, takin’ it easy on show day. Well I wait around for the trolley and play some Settlers on my iTouch. The trolley pulls up. I go to get on while still playing my game. “No cell phones on the trolley.” Oh no. Once everyone boarded he told me again. I decided it wasn’t worth the effort to explain to him that it wasn’t a phone, or to ask why phones weren’t allowed. I could understand if he didn’t want people talking while he did his spiel, but not even texting? But I knew the answer. This guy likes to hear his own voice.
There were only two passengers and about 4 crew, so his entire talk was pretty much about how the other driver is probably going to get fired because he wasn’t checking IDs on the return trip, and he was taking people with beach towels…and that the other driver had a brain the size of a peanut. It seems the company put him back on because he “can make people do what he says.”
To break it down…this guy is a dick. You just get that vibe. But it went further today because he was trying to impress the crew. This is the conversation best as I can remember:
“The other guy is probably going to get fired. They put me back on because I can make people do what I say. It doesn’t matter if they like it or not. I was in the military and I don’t cay-ah (care). I was on a better job than this but they put me back here because of them. I don’t like driving THIS trolley because you can’t adjust the seat or wheel. I have to lean forward to reach the wheel. I told them if they keep me on this trolley I’m going to take the cushions off the passenger benches so they don’t get comfort if I don’t. I’m just sharin’ the love I get. Yeah. I’m gonna hit the bumps extra hard.”
crew: “you’ll get fired.”
“There’s no way I can get fired. There’s nothing they can do to me. First off, my uncle is the Maui Sheriff. Second, I am from royalty. My lineage has been proven by the federal state. When I was in the military I had so many article 15s and all I ever got was a slap on the wrist because they knew I was royalty. One time they tried to punish me and the whole town got up set and said ‘we’ll burn this whole place down if you do anything to him.’ So, they said ‘it isn’t worth it…let him go.’ There’s no way I could get fired.”
100% bullshit. I remember when I went on vacation in London and Prince Charles was doing double-decker bus tours. There must be something about giving someone a microphone and letting him talk that eventually makes them believe “not only can I say anything, but whatever I saw is true.”
It was only made worse by some of the crew buying into his story.
So, if you ride on a trolley, and it gets to the point where stuff like that is being said you probably have the right to say “why are you driving a trolley if you’re royalty?”
By Rance Rizzutto
In the show I’m currently doing for one company on another company’s form of mass-transportation I’m in a scene with Deanna. I’m a guy preparing for a date with her…she is a blow-up doll. All she has to do is lay on some chairs, pretend to get inflated, hold the standard blow-up doll pose, then deflate. Easy, right?
This scene is usually a heavy hitter because of the ridiculousness of it all. For one gentleman sitting far back stage right it was the funniest thing he had seen in a long, long time. His laugh was…well…IS impossible to describe accurately in text. Let’s just say it was a funny laugh.
When his laugh was mixed in with everyone else’s at the “reveal” that Deanna is a blow-up doll, not so bad. When the laughter has died down as people wait to see what the next beat will be and all you can hear from the stage is that one guy’s laugh. Well…that is enough to make a blow-up doll start to giggle.
Deanna broke. And a few seconds later, so did I. Holding that pose seems easy enough until you realize that it means they can’t move the whole time. Watching the fight between trying to hold that pose while actually laughing was what pushed me over the edge.
In other news, whales are jumping like crazy today in Hilo. The moms are teaching their young how to breach. I clocked it at about six breaches a minute…for real.
By Rance Rizzutto
Well…sort of. We went to a beach yesterday. I think it was Kanapali or something like that. On Maui, by a place called Black Rock and another place called Sheraton Inn.
There was supposed to be good snorkeling out there and Tamara (sadhat.blogspot.com) is visiting so we all went out.
When we first got there we found some waves that looked like they would be fun to body surf on. Just near the shore so we didn’t have to go out too far.
We may have successfully body surfed once or twice. The rest of the time was what could lightly be referred to as “unsuccessful.”
I got rolled pretty hard…a lot. The nice thing is it clears out the sinuses pretty well.
After that we headed over to the snorkeling. There was another cruise ship around the island so there were a bunch of people out there. I hate snorkeling in crowded waters. Too many dipshits swimming around looking at anything but where they’re going. So, I didn’t spend as much time out there as the rest, but there were turtle sightings and Jen and Larrance saw a spotted ray and heard whale songs out further around the Black Rock.
After we were done I took my camera case up to the shower to rinse of the salt water (the case is waterproof). While I was doing that a lady and her two young daughters walked up behind me. As I was rinsing the camera one of the little girls said “What are you doing, daddy?”
So, I’m a father.
By Rance Rizzutto
The volcano on Hawaii’s big island has been kicking into gear a little. While we were leaving Hilo last week I saw what looked like a big snowflake fall to the deck. Turns out it was ash from the Volcano.
The next day at Kona (on the other side of the island) went from sunny to pretty hazy. I thought it was just clouds but it turned out to be ash.
Today in Honolulu we met with some people at Laughtrack Theater and they called it “vog” (I assume, volcanic fog).
I guess it gives some people allergies.
By Rance Rizzutto
photo by Mike Kosinski
I’ll have photos later on Facebook and Flickr…but not that great.
Last week we went on a whale watch/snorkel excursion. Between December and March the whales come back here to…do it. So, lately we can see them splashing around a bit. In a few weeks they’re supposed to get really crazy while they teach the calves to breach.
While we were out on the boat for the excursion we had a mother, calf, and escort literally go underneath our ship and pop out right on the other side. My camera was being a real turd so my shots weren’t that good.
Yesterday we were in Maui and went to a couple of places with traditional Hawaiian names: Acid War Zone and The Blowhole.
The war zone is named because the salt spray from the ocean has eaten away the rocks and such, and blow hole is a hole in the ground that connects to the ocean creating a huge spray.
By Rance Rizzutto
If you put an exclamation point at the end of “different” it makes it special.
I’ve got about four more months in Hawaii. I’ve noticed some different ways and different things that are different. Different.
5. Their swimming water doesn’t seem to have any ecoli warnings.
4. Flip-flops are called slippers…I don’t know what they call slippers.
3. I can buy surf boards in convenience stores.
2. Bikinis are acceptable attire for shopping in the ritzy Waikiki area…pick up the pace, Michigan Ave.
1. People in cars will stop for pedestrians at crosswalks. And I’m talkin’ two lanes in both directions. I hope I don’t get too comfortable with that when I get back to Chicago.
One thing stays the same. In the land of Kehaus and Kekais, “Rance” is still a rare name.
